Is your feature request related to a problem? Please describe.
I, and lots of others probably, don’t do any wallet development but still need a wallet for testing bitcoin-qt changes are other stuff for example so we install the headers from our distribution because it is easier. It is a bit annoying to always pass --with-incompatible-bdb
Describe the solution you’d like If it is not a release, check for incompatible headers as well, if compatible were not found and use them without any other cli arg required. If it is a release, keep the current system for users who are compiling the release tarball to avoid wallet breaks.
Additional context This is more a comfort issue and just a nice to have.